Decisions Aren't Always Easy
by NoLove10
Summary: The title sucks because i didn't exactly know what to name it so if anybody has a better title please do share. This is set in season 4. {Her mission when she left the ones she loves was to clear her name and leave the people she love out of danger, but what happens when Nikita comes face to face with the biggest battle of her life?} Heavily Mikita but Salex included!
1. Chapter 1

_I've decided to try this story after all because it's been on my mind for a little bit now. I'm not sure where it's heading after this chapter but your reviews will determine that. I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter and hopefully, I'll be able to write a few more._

_888_

_Five years ago…_

_She was on the run again, just like she had started when she decided she was going to bring division down. Alone. But now she wasn't running from division, she was running from the people she loves because she was sick and tired of endangering them, always putting their life on the line for her when she thinks she doesn't deserve it._

_That afternoon she left with no goodbyes, she didn't have a plan or destination. All she knew was that she had to keep in the shadows and lay low for a few months before beginning to make a plan on how to clear her name. She was driving in the sunset and asking herself how she was going to do this. How? She didn't know but all she knew was that she needed to be strong; she needed to believe that she was doing this for the right reasons because she can't keep putting the people she loves in danger. She needed to do this for Michael to keep him safe even though he might spend the rest of his life hating her for making a decision for him again. She didn't know how long until she sees him again and that was honestly the hardest part. 'How to survive without him?' _

_Once she made sure she was at least out of the country, almost a few miles away from the people she loves, she pulled into a restaurant to quickly grab something to eat. Leaving small prints and avoiding security cameras since she was now 'America's most wanted.' After having her mean, she then drove to a motel to crash for the night._

_She swung the door open and dropped a bag that had a few of her belongings on the floor. She quickly did a mental check of the room just to be cautious before she removed her jacket and hung it in the small closet near the bathroom door. Although the room was very small and cozy, it'll have to do for the night and besides, she didn't really care, it was for one night anyways._

_She then went to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water and bubble bath soap, something that very much reminded her of Michael. She remembered him always going out his way to give her a relaxing time after a long day of catching bad guys. He would always go home first and have dinner ready or would fill in the bathtub and get in with her, he would give her a massage and just go over the details of the day and their lives together in general._

_She sighed and got in the tub, for a few minutes it was hard to relax then she thought about the times she used to be with Michael and closed her eyes. _

'_I'm doing this to protect him.' She said to herself._

_That night she went to bed, it was just empty without him next to her teasing her even if it was just for a few minutes before she fell asleep. She misses his 'I love you's' and his warm breath against her neck with his muscular arms wrapped around her tiny body. With just the memories of what she used to have, she fell asleep with stained tears on her face._

_The next morning she woke up, she felt awfully sore, dizzy and just uneasy which seemed bizarre to her. The minute she got out of bed, she quickly made her way into the bathroom as she felt the sudden urge to vomit. She tripped on the big duffel bag on the ground, barely making it to the bathroom before she could taste the disgusting, acidic vomit in her mouth._

_She spent a few minutes on the ground after she flushed the toilet and just stared at her reflection in the water._

'_No.' she whispered to herself._

_It couldn't be, it just couldn't! She tried to make her mind think as far as it would allow her to think to remember how long ago she had her period and what she came up with wasn't exactly what she wanted. How could that have slipped her mind? She was two freaking months late!_

_Still, she didn't want to believe it. She quickly got up and lift her shirt up. She examined her prominent stomach in the mirror and was shocked. The small bump under her stomach was showing and she had just realized._

"_No. I can't be having a child! This isn't the right time for that, for heaven's sake I have a whole freaking country on my back, wanting me for a murder I didn't even commit!' she yelled at herself as if it would change the fact that she was already pregnant. With Michael's child and she left him almost twenty-four hours ago._

_A few hours after she was certain, after she's seen the plus sign written black and white on the stick, she was convinced that she was pregnant. She actually has a living person growing inside of her and she doesn't know what to do._

_She cried, 'what do I do?'_

_She had to choose between two impossible choices. One was just letting go and still have an entire country putting her in display for 'Most wanted and dangerous woman' until the next big hit takes her off the newspapers or second, follow up with an abortion to keep up with her mission._

_And the second option was definitely not a go. She couldn't take away the life that was growing inside of her. It was her own flesh and blood, it was Michael's. But the real question wasn't whether or not she could do this; it rather was whether or not she was ready to own the title 'Mother'? She is after all an assassin!_

_And then she thought about it, this was her chance to live a peaceful life, disappear for good but she couldn't live with herself knowing that one day those people, her past would come back to haunt her._

_888_

Please review and let me know what you guys thought of preview. An update will come soon and I hope you guys liked it at least a little bit even though it might suck!


	2. Guilt

_I'm so glad that you guys liked the first chapter and I'm hoping that as far as the story goes I keep improving and hopefully you guys will continue to like it. I will try my best to update at least once a week and with longer chapter! _

_888_

"Mommy?" The little girl called as she was playing with the bubbles in the water.

Nikita slightly lift her head to look at her five year old daughter whom she was giving a bath before bed.

"Yes sweetie?" She answered.

"What was daddy like again?" Shanisse asked her mother.

Nikita almost felt sad for the little girl. Those questions come constantly, almost every night and every time her daughter would ask about why her daddy wasn't living with them, tucking her in bed and reading her bedtime stories just like she does for her every night? She'd always fabricate a story that would keep the little girl from asking for a couple of weeks, but not once telling her that she and her daddy are a bunch of trained criminals. She's always known for saying _'live the lie until the lie becomes your life'_ but with having a child who was her everything, she had to make an exception because she realizes the more she keeps lying to the little girl, the more messed up she will get and she didn't want her daughter growing up like she grew up. God forsaken that! And it saddens her every time she would go somewhere with Shanisse and other little girls will be seen playing with their father and she would sometimes catch the look of sadness in the little girl's eyes and that makes her feel like she isn't enough and it breaks her heart.

Nikita sat at the edge of the tub and massaged Shanisse's hair as she begins to tell the little girl about her father for the millionth time.

"Your daddy, he is… was handsome, strong, and overprotective of me most of the times," She chuckled, "He was smart and stubborn just like you." Nikita said poking the little girl's nose.

"Hey!" Shanisse pouted offendedly before her face broke into a huge smile knowing that she had a trait of her daddy's "… I thought I got that from you?"

Nikita let out a humorous laugh, "I'm not as stubborn as you and your daddy are." She replied.

"Did daddy love you, mommy?" Shanisse asked again.

Nikita hesitated with that question. Although she shouldn't but she can't possibly think Michael would love her after leaving him behind for almost six long years without even saying goodbye, let alone reach out to tell him she was pregnant with his child.

"Your daddy was the most loving person in my life." She told the little girl, "… and he would have loved to be your daddy." She added.

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After Nikita tucked Shanisse in bed and read her a story, she was out like a light. For a few minutes she sat at the edge of the bed and looked at the little girl in awe. The resemblance to Michael was too real. The same eye color, brown hair, round face, pink lips and the little girl even slept the way he sleeps. Nikita swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling close to tears in just admiring the beauty of the little girl. She kissed Shanisse's forehead and pulled the blanket high above her chest.

"I love you sweetie." She whispered before turning off the lamp and making her way out of the little girl's room.

Nikita went and sat on the couch exhaustingly. She is a mother and she loves it, sometimes it's the only thing that keeps her from going sane and she hates herself for always being so selfish, she hates herself for taking all those responsibilities alone. For the first few years, it was hard; during her pregnancy it was hard because she would always worry about her identity and people finding her even though she knew absolutely nobody on the island she wound up on. After Shanisse was born it became even harder because she didn't know the first thing about being a mother but she learned how to cope with it and got better over the years for someone who always believed she wasn't _'mother material' _but yet, that still doesn't take away the guilt she feels every time Shanisse ask about Michael. Forget about what she took from Michael, it wasn't Michael she felt most of the guilt towards; it was towards her daughter.

She cried and realizes that Shanisse is not the only one who wishes her daddy was here. She misses Michael every second of the day that she's lost count on how many times she wishes he was here with them as a family. What he's always wanted but thought she could never give him.

FLASHBACK

_It was after they had gotten his hand back. _

_Although that night was very dramatic and sad with Ryan being in comma, it also was the start of something new. They went home and Nikita remembered feeling so hopeless and tired but lying next to Michael that night was a reward for all the hard work of the day._

"_What are you thinking about?" He had asked her as he traced uneven patterns of circles on her stomach._

_Nikita sighed at his touch, "When will it ever get easy?" She asked him._

_He didn't answer for a few minutes and she figured he didn't know the answer to that either. With this never ending war, it could possibly never get any easier but after a couple minutes of silence, his quiet whispering voice answered, "Someday it will,"_

"_How do you know?" She asked him._

_Michael shook his head and placed a kiss on her shoulder, "I don't," He replied sincerely with a pregnant pause, "…But as long as we are together when it's all over, things should get easier then." He told her._

_Their linked fingers came to rest on her flat stomach and Nikita nodded, "And then what?" She asked._

_Michael shrugged, "… And then we try to live a normal life as much as possible." He told her._

"_But what's normal?" _

_Michael turned her around on her back and kissed her lips, "White picket fence house near a beach anywhere on an island." He murmured against her lips._

"_Can we add a dog to go along with that white picket fence house?" She asked hopefully._

_Michael smiled, "Definitely a German shepherd." _

_Nikita chuckled as Michael lie his head against her flat stomach and she unknowingly let her fingers run in his golden, brown hair._

"_And maybe when we get used to what normal feels like, we can add some little animals of our own too." He said quietly._

"_Yeah maybe." Nikita replied._

_888_

Back then, that conversation was just a beautiful fantasy to her because she knew deep down she could never have a normal life. _But then again, who knew? _She was already pregnant!

The tears ran down her cheek as fast as a waterfall flows. She looked at her barren fourth left finger and gently traced her finger across it. It's been five long years since she left that ring behind along with the people she loves most but still it meant so much to her and she regrets ever leaving it behind. It was supposed to be their _'forever.'_

She almost didn't hear the small footsteps coming from down the hall but when she looked across the room, she could see her daughter holding her bear stuffed animal close to her chest as she slowly begin to walk towards her.

"What's wrong baby?" She asked Shanisse.

The little girl plopped on her lap and lie her head on her chest, "Why are you crying, mommy?" The five-year old asked sadly. She doesn't like it when her mommy cries or is hurt, it makes her feel sad and like she is about to cry too.

Nikita managed to smile a small smile at the little girl and wiped the tear off her eyes, "Mommy's fine sweetie." She told the little girl but if possible, that seemed to have worried the little girl more.

"Then why are you crying? Is it because I'm a bad kid that you cry mommy?" Shanisse asked with tears rolling down her eyes.

Nikita felt her heart break into a million pieces at the tears that the little girl was shedding.

"I promise I will always make my bed every morning and I will be a better daughter for you mommy, please don't cry!" Shanisse begged.

"You didn't do anything wrong baby," Nikita said hugging the five year old tightly and brokenheartedly, "…you are not a bad kid. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love you so, so much! You don't need to be better, you're perfect and I'll always love you!"

"I love you too, mommy," Shanisse said lacing her small arms around her mother's neck in a tight hug and Nikita held her back just as tight, not wanting to let go.

Nikita pulled away after a few minutes and put a smile on her face. "Do you want to sleep with mommy in her big bed tonight?" She asked.

Shanisse nodded smilingly, "Yes!" She exclaimed almost too loud, "I love it when I sleep with you, mommy because you give me the best hugs and kisses."

Nikita once again smiled as picked the little girl up in her arms and made her way down the hall of her bedroom while kissing her daughter's cheek.

_888_

_I know this chapter was not very good because it was just Nikita/Shanisse time but no Michael trying to find her. I will be bringing back other characters in the third chapter and hopefully then it'll be a little better. Please review and let me know your thoughts._

_And oh, the name Shanisse's didn't come to me until I started writing and it's kind of a combination of the first three letters of Shane's name and Maggie's last three letters of her middle name._


	3. One Possible Lead

**I'm sorry for the long wait with this chapter! I've had a lot of other stories to update that I almost forgot this one. From now on, I'll try to update as frequently as I can! And thank you for all the reviews, so far it has been great and I'm glad to know you guys like it!**

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_Flashback – six years ago…_

_He woke up in the middle of the night to the loud beeping of the microwave downstairs. When he reached next to him, there was a blank space where her naked body was supposed to be. Lazily, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get a bathrobe before making his way where the constant beeping was coming from._

_He walked down the two storey stairs to the kitchen and there he saw her. She was in one of his large shirts, barefoot and facing the cabinets. He slowly yet sleepily walked up behind her and that he regretted at the sound of the knife flying in the air, aiming straight for his head._

"_Goddamn it, woman! Why is it that every chance you get you try to kill me? I thought we already pass that phase!" He burst out after ducking and surviving what was probably supposed to kill him._

_Nikita grimaced at him irritatedly, "What the bloody hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that in the middle of the night?" She whisper-yelled_

"_Sorry," Michael sighed, "I didn't mean to do that. I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't there." _

_Nikita rolled her eyes at him before she picked up her cup of hot chocolate. "Couldn't sleep." She told him._

"_You wanna talk about it?" Michael asked with a questioning eyebrow._

_He followed Nikita through the living room and sat down on the couch next to her after she set down her cup of hot chocolate on the small glass table._

"_What's going on?" He asked more directly._

_Nikita exhaled a long breath and snuggled on his chest. "I don't know," She admitted._

"_It's about Carla, isn't it?" He softly asked._

_After Carla's death, she never really did take the time to mourn her and Michael knew how important Carla was to her._

_Nikita shook her head, "No," She lied._

_Michael gently ran his bare hands up and down her small back and kissed her forehead. "Talk to me." _

_Nikita sighed, "I don't know. I guess in a way I do miss her and wish she was here…" She admitted, "I didn't have her for so long in my life, when I finally got her back, she's dead and I'm not blaming birkoff for any of it. It just happened."_

_Michael could hear the sadness in her tone and he wanted nothing more than just comfort her. "It's ok to mourn her." He said._

_Nikita shook her head, "I'll be fine." She replied reaching for her cup of chocolate on the glass table, in the process pushing what looked like a catalog magazine on the floor._

_Michael picked it up and randomly started to flip over pages. Nikita silently lie back on his chest and looked through every single page. As Michael was flipping, something… more like a pictured seemed to have caught Nikita's attention and she stopped him just in time before he could flip to the next page._

_Even in the slight sight of the darkness, he could see the smile that lit up her whole entire face and he knew what she was thinking at the exact moment._

_A beautiful house around a beach in a tropical island in Bahamas. Perfect for that normal life style they had talked about multiple times._

"_You like this one?" it wasn't even supposed to be a question. He already knew that she wanted it and was possibly picturing their life together in that big house._

"_It's perfect!" She exclaimed almost too loudly and Michael seriously doesn't know why birkoff or Alex weren't already awake._

_Michael chuckled, "It's very you because of your obsession with large windows." He said kissing her forehead._

_Nikita ripped up the page and fold it in half, "I'll see if I can persuade birkoff to buy it." She winked._

_888_

He rapidly sat down on the bed, breathing quickly and he was sweating! He couldn't believe it took him so long to think back at that moment. At that house.

Michael quickly got out of bed and slip on a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt then made his way to the bathroom to freshen up.

A few minutes later, he was racing down to go find Birkoff.

"Birkoff I need you to go online and check for every catalog magazines in houses from six years ago." He ordered.

Birkoff frowned. He's always known that Michael was never a morning person but a _'good morning'_ would surely be appreciated.

"Well good morning to you too." Said the nerd sarcastically.

"I'm serious. This is the first possible lead that's not false we've had in five years, birkoff." Michael said.

Birkoff knowing what his friend was talking about rapidly hopped on his computer and typed a few keys before his computer was searching exactly what Michael asked.

They might have possibly gone over thousands and thousands of pictures on the internet in the approximate amount of minutes Michael was standing by that computer.

And finally, he saw it… he remembered it and he remembered her face. So bright and happy.

"This is it," Michael grinned, "She has got to be there."

"Who?" Birkoff questioned. It could be Amanda… or Nikita. Depends on who he was looking for but his best guess would be Nikita.

"Nikita." Michael replied as he double clicked on the house with the mouse, "I want you to search this house. Find out everything you can about it." He instructed, "If it's owned by somebody, try to see which name it's under."

Birkoff shook his head, "Man this is crazy!" He argued, "This house is located around a beach."

"With big windows and it's private property." Michael added.

Birkoff suddenly came to the realization that it could be someplace where Nikita would live. It's her style, good for keeping under the radar. On an island. She's always had the fantasy.

"You're right." He murmured unbelievably.

"Who's right?" Came Alex's voice through the large empty space.

"You're not going to believe this," Birkoff trailed, "But I think we might have a lead on Nikki…"

"Is she back on the radar?" Alex asked almost excitedly but not too excited because every time they think they have a lead, it always ends up being false. After five years, she had given up the hope to ever see Nikita again.

"No," Birkoff replied typing, "But Mikey's pretty confident about this house in Bahamas and honestly, so am I."

It took about a few hours to get the information about the house because everything was mostly classified but birkoff was determinate to not give up. Classified… that already tells something.

He managed to get something useful after hours sitting in front of the computer by grouping grocery shopping receipts into every stores and market around the house's neighborhood which is by least miles away.

"Did you get anything yet?" Michael asked impatiently.

"Check this out," Birkoff murmured, "I found groceries receipt, convenient to that address because in that location, there's only one house which is that house you think Nikita might be in and that person if I'm not mistaking shops very big considering the total money and what it's spent on and they only shop once every three months." He said.

"Ok, but what does that have to do with this?" Michael asked.

"When I type into the market's customer list, a list of people for discount cards comes up in the system and when I click on that account number," Birkoff said pointing at the screen of his computer, "This address comes up but there's no name, it's still classified."

"It has to be somebody who can't risk to be found." Alex said.

Michael nodded, "exactly and it fits Nikita's case…" He remarked, "Come on birkoff; get me the owner's name!" He said patting birkoff's back.

Maybe after a pack of red bulls, birkoff slammed his hands on the desk loudly, "SHADOW WALKER!" He yelled.

"What do you have?" Michael jumped off the couch.

"Look," Birkoff said highlighting the name that came under the house, "Whitfield Sestok." He said.

"Whitfield," Alex said with her mouth dropped, "Nikita's old loft when she went rogue, it was always under that name."

Michael smiled from ear-to-ear, he couldn't believe this was actually happening, "And we used Sestok for our couple's name for that mission in Hong Kong when we were tracking the dirty thirties."

"We have to get Ryan, Sean and Sonya here." Alex said.

Birkoff nodded, "They're still in Philly finding about the Shop and Amanda." He replied.

"So get them over here. We'll worry about Amanda after we know it's Nikita for sure." Michael snapped his fingers, "We do this quietly with no footprints that can lead back to Nikita and put her on the radar again."

"Ok," Alex breathed. To say she was totally freaked out was an understatement. "Michael how about you get there first? You can wait a few weeks before you contact us then the rest of us will fly there." She suggested.

As they were talking, birkoff was already typing back in his computer. He didn't need to be told what to do because he already knew what Michael's request will be.

"Jet leaves in three hours…"

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**Well that SUCKED! Please review and let me know your thoughts about this chapter! I have a feeling that this was too much and like none of it makes any sense… but then again I feel like that about everything I write! **


	4. My Past

_Sorry for the long wait on this story guys. I have not updated this in quite a while but now I'm back with a new chapter and I can only hope you guys will like it._

888

It was just nine o'clock and Michael was standing right outside that house in Bahamas. His gun in the back of his pants tucked under his rain suit, his knife in his boots, he was ready to go. He got out of his vehicle and put his hoodie on to shield him from the ferocious rain.

He was scaling a wall; the walk to the house was pretty far if you looked at it from a long distance. He marched on the sand and just fifty feet away he heard an alarm go off.

He pressed the comm in his ears just to scold at Birkhoff.

"Why didn't you tell me there was an alarm that would go off at fifty feet from the house?" He asked.

"There wasn't." Birkhoff said as he typed in his computer. "Maybe it just got installed."

"Well stop the alarm!" Michael said.

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Nikita was playing candy land with Shanisse and eating chocolate chips cookies when the alarm in her house signaled her that someone was just fifty feet away from her home. She didn't have neighbors… this was private property and she doesn't have any friends on this island.

The only people she would consider as friends are the people she buys ammo supplies from and they didn't know her house… she doesn't owe any debt.

Her mind pictured the most absurd thing but she knew it couldn't be.

After five years she couldn't be found. She erased her identity from all over the world. Why would they find her?

"Mommy what's going on?" Shanisse cried as Nikita grabbed her from the floor.

Nikita opened one of the air vents in the house and hid her there before taking out an untraceable mobile phone. It was one of those phones she and Alex used back when they were partners at division.

"Listen to me baby," Nikita begin.

Goddamn it how could they have found her?

If her watch wasn't mistaking her, she had five minutes to make a plan and if she didn't make it out alive, she wanted Shanisse to live and not be put into foster care like she had been. She wants the life she never had for her daughter.

She knew it was probably going to be impossible to make it out alive if there's an army of soldiers waiting for her right outside the door.

They're probably all around the perimeter of the house already.

"Listen to me baby," She begin again, "I want you to stay here. Don't move, don't do anything." She placed the phone in Shanisse's hands and closed her small fingers around the phone, "If mommy doesn't get back in a few minutes, I want you to use this phone and press the numbers three, nine, five after you get out of the vents, ok?" She said.

"Can you do that for mommy?" Nikita asked.

Shanisse nodded. "I'm scared mommy."

The alarm didn't stop, if possible it got louder which meant whoever was out there was almost at the door.

"I know sweetie," Nikita kissed Shanisse's forehead. "I know you're scared baby but mommy need you to be a brave little girl right now. If I don't come back for you, don't worry just pressed the numbers I told you and someone will come for you. He's a nice person and he'll make sure you have everything you want."

She knew this day would come someday and her only wish was that Shanisse gets to be with Michael. Three nine five. That's all she has to press and it will alert Birkhoff anywhere, anytime.

Nikita kissed Shanisse one more time and hugged her again. "Mommy loves you." She said.

"I love you too mommy!" Shanisse said.

Nikita pulled away quickly and closed the vents. She couldn't cry because this couldn't be the last day she gets to be with her daughter.

She ran back to the living room as fast as she could and grabbed a knife on the counter in the kitchen.

She cut a big hole on the couch and retrieved her guns. She hid them in the furniture for many reasons. One was for moments like this and the others were for Shanisse's safety.

She grabbed a cavlar in a secret hole in Shanisse's toy box and put it under her jacket. She grabbed a few smokes under the oven and a few knifes in the cabinets.

She turned on her laptop to look at the twenty-four hour monitor she installed and outside was just one man.

She was confused.

One man in a hoodie with his head down. It was hard to determine what agency he worked for because she couldn't examine his face quite well.

"Come on… come on, show me your freaking face."

She slammed the laptop shut and opened the door. She wasn't going to give whoever it was a chance to attack her first. If she starts gagging them down first then she won't be so outnumbered later on.

She walked in the rain and she could see the man walking up to her. Nothing about him looked familiar.

She grabbed her gun and begin shooting. The man hid behind a big tree.

"Birkoff it's definitely Nikita!" Michael said.

What kind of crazy woman would just start shooting at him if it wasn't Nikita?

He meant no harm.

Nikita was running. Her daughter was in the house and she needed to go back for her daughter. She had to go back for her daughter.

Michael put his gun down. He meant no harm.

Hands in the air he came out of his hiding breach under the pouring rain.

The woman in black leather approaching him. The tiny figure.

Nikita.

"It's just me, Nikita!" He said.

The rain made it hard for Nikita to hear but she knew it couldn't be.

Whoever it was knew her name…

It was dark, the man was wearing a hoodie and his voice was muffled by the rain. She knew it couldn't be him.

She was standing in front of the man. His hands still in the air but she wasn't falling for it. There could be thousand more waiting. She doesn't trust anybody.

They circled around each other in the pouring rain. Both waiting for each other's next move.

She kicked him first. He fell on the sand but quickly got back up.

She attacked him again… years of practice was just for this one day.

She's worked so hard to rebuild her life… to change and she wasn't going to have that taken away without a fight.

She did not commit that crime five years ago and if she just gave up it would go against everything she believed in.

She engaged into a full hand combat with the man… he was as equal as she was. Even better.

He met every punch, blocked every kick, dodge every hit. Like he trained her… like he was Michael.

But it couldn't be.

And finally he was on the ground.

Rain pouring down on them…

Nikita on top of him with a knife at his throat.

"Who are you?!" The fierce woman asked.

"Who sent you? What dirty organization do you work for?"

"What are you? CIA, FBI, goggol, troops, marines? Who are you?"

Couldn't be division because it was destroyed before her eyes five years ago.

No answer…

Nothing but short painful breathing.

"How many others are there?"

He caught her off guard and flipped her over then took off the hoodie.

"I don't work for nobody," He said. "I'm just me. Michael."

Those bright green eyes were looking right down at her. Nikita would recognize them anywhere. He's… he's really here.

"Michael?"

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_I'm sorry if this sucked guys. I'm not really good at this whole thing but I hope you guys like it a little. Please review and let me know what you guys thought even though it might not be the best thing you've read._


	5. Nikita Mommy?

_Thank you guys for all the reviews! They've been very inspiring and helpful. Though, I'm really sorry for the delay on this chapter, I've been extremely sick for those past couple days so updating anything at all was difficult. This chapter might not be at it' best giving to my situation but I hope you guys like it!_

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Nikita stared into Michael's eyes. Shocked and nervous all at the same time. He wasn't supposed to find her. Nobody was supposed to find her.

What if people had been shadowing them for those past five years and Michael led them straight to her by coming here?

She didn't know that for sure but she wasn't taking any chances. She had to be on the road again.

Nikita pushed Michael off her angrily. She doesn't have the time to be emotional about him being here. Her daughter is her first priority.

She got off the wet sand and begin to walk quickly.

Michael was confused. He's come far too long to leave empty handed. He was angry too. He's been angry for the past five years and he needed answers.

Even angrier now that she was just running away from him like she always has.

Michael followed Nikita back to the house. It was a long run trying to catch her. He didn't know why she was in such a hurry. She wasn't stopping even after he called her name.

She looked almost furious.

Heck he was even more confused. Why was she mad? He's the one that's supposed to be mad with reasons.

They finally got to the house and Nikita went to the bathroom to get her first aid kit. While fighting Michael, she might have pushed him on a sharp rock in the water and he hit his head pretty badly. She had a few scratches on her face too, but they didn't matter.

She tossed the bag at Michael who seemed to be getting comfortable on the single couch.

"Are you gonna talk to me or do you have to keep running like you always do?"

The anger was significant in Michael's voice and Nikita didn't blame him. He has the right to hate her for the rest of his life if he wanted.

She wouldn't blame him.

However, she decided to ignore him as she made her way to Shanisse's bedroom down the hall.

"I don't have the time to talk right now."

She begin to pack some of Shanisse's clothes and toys into two separate bags. She needed to move quickly.

In her mind, she knew it was only a matter of time before somebody else finds her.

"Why are you packing?" Michael asked confusingly as Nikita set the bag on the floor in the living room.

Confused.

That's all he's been ever since he got here.

"If you found me, anybody else can too." Nikita replied.

She still couldn't process that reality. He really has found her after five years and they haven't even talked yet but she knew he changed… or was he still the same Michael who once got down on his knees and proposed to her in front of a fountain in the beautiful city of New Jersey?

"Nobody followed me, Nikita." Michael said, hoping that it'd make her stop moving around like a maniac and actually sit to talk to him.

There are so many things on his mind. So many things he wants to know and he felt as if his mind will explode if he doesn't empty it out.

Five long years…

He's been waiting.

"You don't know that for sure and I'm not taking any chances."

Nikita then made her way down the vents where she hid Shanisse earlier. The little girl must be in there, scared for her life.

Something Nikita never wanted to let her experience.

Fear…

She opened the vents slowly and whispered Shanisse's name. The little girl reached for her mother eagerly and with relief. Tears were in her green eyes, and her heart beating a thousand miles per second.

"You came back for me, mommy!" Shanisse said as she hugged her mommy tightly.

Nikita held the little girl back just as tight and kissed her hair. "I'd always come back for you baby." She kissed Shanisse's forehead and closed her eyes.

That feeling of love conquered her again and she doesn't know whether or not to feel happy or sad.

What if it hadn't been Michael?

Could tonight have been the last night she saw her little girl's precious face?

And for that she hugged Shanisse tighter and pampered her face with kisses.

Nikita pulled Shanisse out of the vents and set her on her feet then kneeled down to the little girl's height level.

"Are you ok, baby?" She finally asked.

Shanisse smiled at her mom. She stopped shaking and stopped crying as Nikita soothingly stroked her cheek.

"I am now, mommy." Shanisse replied then kissed her mommy's lips.

She didn't know what was happening a few minutes ago but she was scared and now she's just glad to see her mommy again.

Nikita smiled but her heart was racing. Everything was just hitting her all at once. Michael was sitting in her living room and someway, somehow, he was going to meet Shanisse.

She was petrified.

She never thought this day would come. Turns out, she was wrong.

It was here and now and she didn't know what to do.

It's not like she can hide Shanisse in the vents forever.

Maybe Michael can decide to never forgive her after all. Not just for leaving, but for also denying him the gift of being a wonderful father to Shanisse.

She out of all people should know what's it's like to grow up without parents. But Shanisse always had her.

One less thing to feel guilty about…

"Can I have apple juice before bed, mommy?" Shanisse politely asked.

Nikita snapped out of her thoughts and nodded silently.

"Of course you can, baby." She replied.

_This was it._

She scooped Shanisse up in her arms and each step she took after that, her legs weakened.

Knowing Michael was going to meet his daughter right now…

_Oh God!_

And then she made it back to the living room in no time with Shanisse in her arms, hugging her neck.

888

Michael had still been sitting on the couch and taking a good look around the house. This house is very Nikita like. Simple with a peaceful vibe.

Something he also hates her for. They could've had all of that together.

But no…

She decided to do it all alone.

Or did she?

Michael finally raised his head when he sensed that he had company.

His heart stopped beating, his eyes widen as he stood up unknowingly.

"_Mommy, who's that?"_ Shanisse asked.

_Mommy…_

_Mommy…_

_Nikita…_

The word echoed in Michael's head as he looked at the little who couldn't be more than five years old in Nikita's arms.

Her cheek… her hair… her curiosity… her tone…

And then the eyes…

The same green as his own.

The similarity in them…

Mommy…?

888

_Well this is it for this chapter guys! I left it on a little bit of cliffhanger there and I know you guys hate cliffhangers. (I'm sorry!) Hopefully the chapter isn't as bad as leaving it on a cliffhanger. Please review and let me know what you guys thought and I'll really try to update very, very soon! Until next time, Xoxo!_


	6. I Loved Her More

_Thank guys for all the reviews! I'm still trying my best to make this story interesting and I'm very grateful to those of you who look forward to every chapter I post. Those reviews mean a lot and I'm truly hoping you guys will like this chapter!_

888

It's about eleven o'clock when Nikita finally went to tuck Shanisse in bed. Her heart was beating fast. Once Shanisse was down sleeping like a baby she knew what conversation she was about to have and it scares the living daylight out of her.

Michael watched as Nikita tucked Shanisse in bed and picked out one of the little girl's favorite book on the shelf to read to her.

Michael smiled. Books. He used to love books when he had Hayley and now this little one likes books too. He wondered why?

"Can mommy's friend read my bed time story?" Shanisse asked politely.

She always wished to have her daddy read her a bed time story and since she doesn't know her daddy, she wanted to know what it feels like to have a nice man read for her to sleep.

Nikita at first begin to object to it as she looked at Michael over her shoulders.

"Sweetie-"

"Mommy, please," Shanisse begged. "Please, please, please, please!"

Michael chuckled to himself as he took a step closer to the little girl's bed. She's very stubborn, he can tell. That little girl wouldn't take _'no'_ for an answer and he loved that.

Nikita sighed.

"Can you?" She asked Michael.

Michael looked squarely into her eyes. "Can I?" He mumbled back.

That tone Nikita knew what it meant and if possible it makes her heart race even faster.

"Of course…" Michael replied. "Anything for this sweet little princess."

Shanisse giggled. This man is nice and she likes him.

"Thank you." Shanisse smiled at Michael.

Michael took the book from Nikita's hand and looked at the title. He smiled as he took a seat at the edge of Shanisse's bed.

_The Little Mermaid_

Michael looked at Shanisse and smiled. The little girl smiled back at him and it fluttered his heart. He was so lost in her innocent smile that he had not realized how impatient Shanisse became.

Nikita smiled as she backed away to the door frame. She doesn't know how many nights she's dreamt of this moment and she wanted to let Shanisse have that moment even though she doesn't know that this is actually her father.

The slightest thought brought tears to her eyes.

Michael finally cleared his throat and begun…

"_Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, lived a beautiful mermaid…"_

Shanisse snickered and held her stuffed animal close to her chest as she listened to Michael read to her while smiling from ear-to-ear.

Normally when her mommy reads to her she asks a lot of questions which she already knows the answer to, but not tonight.

She just listened.

From the beginning…

Until her eyes started to flutter shut but Michael continued. Something inside of him just wanted to hold the little girl in his arms and kiss her but she looked so peaceful sleeping, he didn't want to scare her.

Even as Shanisse's eyes closed he continued…

"_Every step she took was as the witch had said it would be, she felt as if treading upon the points of needles or sharp knives; but she bore it willingly, and stepped as lightly by the prince's side as a soap-bubble, so that he and all who saw her wondered at her graceful-swaying movements. She was very soon arrayed in costly robes of silk and muslin, and was the most beautiful creature in the palace; but she was dumb, and could neither speak nor sing."_

When Michael was sure that Shanisse was deeply asleep; when he could hear her soft snores, he smiled and finally closed the book. He pulled Shanisse's warm blanket above her chest and stroked her dark, brown hair out of her face.

"Goodnight, princess."

Nikita was there the whole time. She never said a word. She just let the tears of regret stream down her face. This right there is what she took away from her daughter for five long years.

Michael stood up and turned around. He could see the tears in Nikita's eyes and somehow it broke his heart but he's mad. He's really mad at her so he doesn't say anything.

He turned the lamp on Shanisse's nightstand off and followed Nikita out the room.

Michael shut Shanisse's door as quietly as possible then caught up with Nikita down the hallway to the living room.

"I hate you."

It was the first thing that came out of his mouth bitterly and it hit Nikita hard.

But she doesn't blame him. He had all the right in the world to hate her.

"That's fine."

Her voice cracked.

Right when the tears pricked out of Nikita's eyes, Michael wanted to take those three words back but at the same time he didn't.

"Five years Nikita." He trailed with clenched teeth. "Five fucking years, that's what you took from me!" He mid-yelled.

"What do you want me to say, Michael?" Nikita swallowed hard.

She knows that there's nothing she can do to give him back those five years he lost. Is she sorry for leaving? Definitely.

But does she regret it? No. Hell no. Not for a damn second. Not if it meant that her daughter would continue to have this life. The one she never had.

"Is she mine?" Michael asked.

What?

"What do you mean if she's yours?" Nikita asked with a raised eyebrow.

She's sure he's seen the resemblance. I mean he's not dumb!

"How could you, Nikita?" Michael spit, "You out of all people know what it's like to grow up without parents!"

The words pierced through Nikita's heart.

"But she has me, Michael!" She yelled. "She has me but I had nobody!"

"What about me, Nikita?" Michael asked. "Why couldn't I be there too, hunh?"

"I didn't have a choice!" Nikita cried. "I left you in the intention of clearing my name by myself because I was sick of putting you guys in danger." She explained. "And then I find out I was pregnant the next day. What the hell did you want me to do?"

"Let's see?" Michael mocked, "How about pick up a damn phone and call to tell me that I knocked you up?!"

"And then what?" Nikita asked frustratedly. "Live happily ever after? Or pretend as if I didn't have a whole country on my back as _'America's most wanted' _for a damn crime I didn't even commit?!"

"We would have figured out a way to make it work together!" Michael yelled. "But you're so selfish and so righteous, you just had to do it all by yourself!" He continued. "I loved you, you fucking idiot! I gave you a goddamn ring to prove it to you! I wanted to marry you; I wanted to have a family with you! I wanted to have kids and raise them with you, but you just left."

Michael begin to pace around as Nikita's heart slowly break to pieces.

"Five damn fucking years!" Michael repeated.

"I missed when she was born, her first words, her first steps!" He yelled. "Every goddamn birthday, every Christmas, every fucking father's day!" He intensified. "These are moments that you took away from me and I'll never get to see them in my life!"

"I'm sorry!" Nikita yelled desperately.

She couldn't take this anymore. This is all her fault and she has no one else to blame. She feels extremely horrible.

"I wanted you there for all those things!" She sobbed. "I did! This has been eating me alive for five long years and I wished everyday to be able to call you and tell you but I couldn't!"

"Hell, you should've had!"

"I loved her more, Michael!" Nikita burst. "When I didn't want to fight anymore, she was my reason to live. I loved her more than I ever loved anybody besides you in my life and I felt responsible. It was my responsibly… my job to keep her safe!"

Michael saw where she was coming from. He did.

Put himself in her shoe, he would have done the same thing too.

He would've in a heartbeat.

"But I can't pay you back those five years that you lost." Nikita's voice faded.

Her knees buckled and she almost fell but Michael caught her in his arms just in time and hugged her.

Nikita's fist pounded on his chest. Hard and fierce.

"I-I wanted you here!" She sobbed. "I'm so-oooory!"

"Shhh…" Michael comforted.

This isn't how their meeting was supposed to be. He wasn't expecting so much of a surprise but after five years, he should've prepared himself.

No way could he've ever seen this coming.

He came here to cuss Nikita for a lifetime but yet, here he is, comforting her after five long years.

This isn't at all what he had in mind when he flew out here.

He sat on the floor with his back pressed against the couch in the dark with Nikita in his arms between his legs, against his chest. Michael rubbed uneven patterned of circles on her arm soothingly until she calmed down.

He wanted so much to be mad but he figured she's suffered enough.

She's the mother of his child.

And he's got to at least love her and respect her for that.

"Does she ever ask about me?" Michael finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

Nikita nodded against his chest. "All the time." She replied softly.

"Where do you say I am?"

"At work." Nikita replied. "In the army."

It wasn't a total lie. Michael used to be in the navy and it's not much different from the army after all.

"What else does she know about me?"

"She knows that you love her." Nikita answered. "I tell her that every day she asks about you."

"Thanks for that."

888

_Well here you guys have it for this chapter. I'm really hoping I didn't screw everything up with this chapter. There will be a second part to this chapter and I think you guys will like it. (I'm hoping.) Anyways, please review and let me know what you guys thought about this chapter. Until next time, Xoxo!_


	7. Moments - Secretly Healing

_Thank you so much for all the reviews you guys have sent for the last chapter. I'm glad it triggered emotions for most of you because that's what I was hoping for and I hope you guys will like this chapter as much as the last one._

888

It's the middle of the night and Nikita was unable to sleep. She kept turning and tossing in bed. Her mind was preoccupied. She didn't know if it was the fact that Michael was actually in her living room sleeping on her couch or if it was because she didn't know how she was going to tell Shanisse that Michael's her father.

Everything was just happening all at one and they're hitting her like tons of bricks. If it wasn't for Michael, she'd be in the middle of nowhere right now or catching the first flight to the border of another island with Shanisse. She just can't risk to be found. Not when her daughter who is an innocent little girl is at risk of paying for her mistakes and flaws at any times.

Frustrated with herself, Nikita pushed the covers off her body and stepped on the cold floor. She wrapped a robe on top of her see-through negligee before making her way out of the room.

She went to Shanisse's room next door and found the little girl still deeply asleep. That brought a smile to her lips.

She silently exited the little girl's room and went to the living where Michael was sleeping. She was afraid to wake him up so she didn't flick any lights on as she made her way to the kitchen.

"It's okay." Michael's husky voice came. "I'm awake."

"I didn't mean to wake you." Nikita apologized.

"No." Michael trailed as he sat up on the couch. "I was awake, couldn't sleep."

"Me either." Nikita replied as she finally flick on a light. "Do you want some hot chocolate?"

Michael smiled lightly at the memories hot chocolate and late night snacks brought to him.

It feels like it was just yesterday. Her habits have never changed.

Whenever Nikita couldn't sleep or something was bothering her, he'd always stay up all night with her and talk about whatever it is that was bothering her over a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows while they cuddled in each other's arms.

He remembers. They were always each other's comfort.

That was just when they were trying to see what living a normal life would be like.

But now, all those memories just brings sadness to him.

"Sure." Michael finally replied.

Nikita nodded at him as she grabbed a few granola bars from the cabinet after putting the chocolate in the microwave to heat up.

Once the microwave quietly beeped, she reached for the hot containers and put them on a tray then made her with them to the couch next to Michael.

Being this close to him makes her sexually frustrated. Nikita couldn't help it. It's been a long time and Michael's physical appearance has changed tremendously over the past five years. He just looks more attractive.

But of course she knew she doesn't have the right to be sexually close with him anymore. There are still some fresh wounds that needs to be healed and who knows? It can take decades for them to heal.

Nikita sighed as it grew awkwardly silent in the room.

"How's everyone doing?" She asked.

"They're good." Michael replied. "Birkhoff is well the same Birkhoff you knew." He said.

Nikita chuckled. "He still brags about being 'The Shadow Walker'?"

Michael rolled his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. "Don't even get me started about that." He said almost irritatedly.

Nikita laughed. It felt great. It's been a very long time since she's had that luxury to joyously laugh.

"Yeah." Michael smiled. The sound of Nikita's laugh is something he's yearned to hear for the past five years. He's always carried the memories of her in his mind but her laugh... He could barely hear it play in his head after so long. He missed her and no matter how much his heart, body and soul wants to hate her, he can't bring himself to. The sound of her laugh had the ability to make him forget.

"Everyone else is pretty much the same too." He added. "You'll have the chance to talk to them soon I'm sure."

Nikita didn't want to remember five years ago or explain herself to everyone she's hurt when she left and she certainly wasn't planning on being back at the US for a very long time. Or ever!

Michael could clearly read the sorrow and sadness in her eyes and it made his heart shrink to the size of a rubber ball. Therefore, he immediately changed the conversation.

"So how about you?" He asked.

Nikita looked at him wordlessly as she sipped on her drink.

"What about me?" She asked.

"How are you?"

It surprised Nikita that he'd still care about her feelings. Not that she should. Maybe he really hasn't changed.

"I-I'm..." She stuttered with a half smile. "I'm glad to see you." She replied.

And she was. She just wishes the circumstances were different.

Michael smiled back. Though he wouldn't exactly admit it to her right now but he was glad to see her too.

"I'm really sorry about all this." Nikita said after a few seconds of silence.

"It's alright." Michael replied knowing exactly what she was talking about. "I understand."

"No, I mean I'm sorry." Nikita said again. "I should've called you and tell you about Shanisse. You're her father; I should've never denied you the right to be that." She chocked on her swallowed tears as she begin to get up.

Michael's eyes followed her confusingly as she walked to the stereo shelf where she kept a huge box.

"I understand."

Nikita took the box and walked back to the couch where she sat again.

On the box, there was a handwritten label.

'_For daddy'_

It said.

Michael's curiosity peaked as Nikita opened the carton box to reveal a stacks of DVD's inside of it.

"What are these?" Michael asked.

"Like I said," Nikita trailed. "I know I can never repay you those lost five years with Shanisse but hopefully seeing these would be a little less burden on my shoulders."

The first CD was labeled _**'Giving Birth, December twentieth.**_' She reached for the remote and turned on the TV and the DVD player then popped in the CD.

**Flashback:**

_December twentieth,_

_It was late evening on a Friday night; it showed a very pregnant Nikita on a couch with a very painful look on her face as she screamed._

_"It's coming!"_

_What looked like a familiar figure showed up in the living room with equipments in her hands._

_"Breathe Nikita." The doctor told her._

_But she's just in so much pain, she forgot how to breathe. Nikita screamed again in agony. She's been shot, stabbed, and poisoned before but this was unlike any physical pain she's ever experience in her whole entire life._

_"How many centimeters?" She asked._

_The doctor had put on a pair of gloves to consult her patient._

_"Seven and a half." She replied. "Come on Nikita, you can do it!"_

_Nikita closed her eyes as sweat ran down her forehead. She held onto the small table in front of her as another painful contraction conquered her._

_"I'm dying!" She yelled._

_The doctor chuckled. "No you're not dying!" She said. "You're having a baby, you're gonna be a mother and that's life!"_

_Maybe after a few more agonizing screams, the pregnant woman was finally ready to push. She was lying on the floor with a white blanket beneath her, legs spread wide as she gathered her strength to push as hard as she could as sweat continued to run down her face. A few more hard pushes and the baby's loud scream filled the room as the mother reached for the child._

_The exhausted happy smile could clearly be seen in the woman's eyes with a hint of sadness. The baby in her arms was perfect yet covered in blood as the doctor cut the umbilical cord._

_The doctor wrapped the child in a warm blanket and handed her back to the mother._

_Nikita smiled at the unnamed child in her arms as she counted her little fingers and toes._

_"You're perfect." She whispered as the child's cries stopped._

_Love could be felt in the room and the new mother was happier than she's ever been but her only wish is that the baby's father was here too._

_"So what are we calling her, mama?" Asked the doctor who had just delivered the baby._

_"Shanisse." Nikita replied without a doubt. "Shanisse Alexis West."_

_**End of flashback.**_

As the clips ended both Michael and Nikita had tears in their eyes. That feeling of happiness, they were both feeling it at the same exact moment. Nikita cried because she can remember this day like it was yesterday but Michael cried because he just seen his child's birth. It was a dream come true. He might not have physically been there when Shanisse was born to hold her in his arms but seeing how perfect she was when she was born, it made him feel alive again. It was beautiful.

"Thank you." Michael's voice was shaky and overwhelmed with tears.

Nikita looked at him and smiled as she wiped her tears away and sniffled.

"It's the least I could do." She replied.

888

The clips jumped to the next scene.

_**'First Step, First Word.'**_ It was labeled.

…

_**Flashback:**_

_Baby Shanisse was now a very beautiful, healthy seven months old baby having play time with mommy late morning on a Saturday._

_Shanisse pouted at her mommy. She could barely talk but she mumbled some gibberish once in a while._

_"You're so stubborn." Nikita chuckled as the baby begins to display all her toys on the floor after Nikita had picked them up over a thousand times._

_"I give up." Nikita said exhaustingly as she watched the little girl play by herself._

_It had only been noon when Nikita decided play time was over and that Shanisse needed a bath._

_"Come on baby." Nikita said, "Let's go take a shower."_

_She waited patiently for Shanisse to crawl from the kitchen table back to the living room._

_The infant circled around the table and held onto the furniture as she attempted to get up on her own._

_Nikita's eyes widen. She knew Shanisse tried and practiced walking because she was able to crawl but she never really forced her to do it just because every time she tried she had failed and the sadness she was able to see in the baby's eyes pained her._

_But right now, she was standing straight on her feet and holding onto the table tightly._

_Nikita didn't say anything because she didn't want to startle the little girl as she raised her left foot._

_Tears of joy ran down Nikita's eyes as her lips curved into a wide smile as her bouncy little girl begin to slowly walk towards her. Though Shanisse might have given up half way towards her mother, Nikita never felt more proud as she pulled the child in her arms._

_"You can walk, sweetie!" She smiled at the little girl as she kissed her lips. "You can walk booboo!" She cooed._

_The little girl wrapped her little arms around her mommy's neck and kissed her mommy's lips. Even though she might seem too little to understand happiness, she certainly knew when she made her mama happy._

_"I love you."_

_Two months later, Nikita had really been encouraging Shanisse to walk and talk more after she had taken her first three steps. The little girl was even more stubborn than she thought. If she didn't like a food, she would single-mindedly shake her head and tell her mommy 'no'. The little girl refused to eat vegetables and Nikita knew she got that from Michael. It was no doubt._

_"Shanisse?"_

_By then Shanisse was able to be responsive of her name and some of the things her mom would say._

_"No, it's bed time." Nikita said._

_The little girl looked right back at her mommy and begin jumping on the bed. It was fun and it made her giggle._

_"Shanisse." Nikita sighed as she tried to catch the little girl._

_Being a mother is really tiring sometimes._

_"No."_

_Nikita clenched her teeth. This is her least favorite word and that child says it constantly and it can get on her nerves especially at eleven o'clock at night._

_"Alright that's it!" Nikita grabbed the nine months old child in her arms and made her way down the hall of the baby's room._

_She had changed Shanisse's diaper and put on new sleeping clothes for her before settling her in her crib._

_The little girl could tell that her mother was a little cranky and mostly exhausted._

_"No, I'm not mad at you." Nikita said._

_Shanisse smiled then sat up in her crib before standing up and stretching her arms so her mother could get her._

_"No." Nikita shook her head._

_The intelligent child begin to pout and soon enough the puppy face was right behind which always gets Nikita._

_"Dah-dah, don't do the puppy face." Nikita mumbled._

_But it was too late._

_"Urgh!"_

_She grabbed Shanisse from her crib and rolled her eyes._

_"Fine," Nikita groaned. "You can sleep with mama but no jumping on the bed, ok, missy?"_

_Shanisse smiled understandingly as they reached her mother's bedroom._

_Nikita placed Shanisse in the middle of the huge king sized bed as she changed into her pajamas. She was finally ready to sleep as she climbed in bed and placed a pillow behind Shanisse in case she rolls in the middle of the night so she wouldn't fall._

_She lie before Shanisse and looked into her green eyes for a while and smiled. No matter how much she can dislike her daughter sometimes for being as stubborn as she is, looking into her little green eyes always warms her heart. She could see Michael in them and that made her happy._

_"Mama."_

_At first Nikita wasn't sure what she heard because it was a soft whisper but she was pretty sure Shanisse spoke._

_"What did you say?" Nikita abruptly sat up and looked at the little girl hoping she'd repeat what she had said._

_"Mama." Shanisse repeated._

_Nikita's breath caught in her throat as tears welled in her brown eyes. Just when she thought that little child couldn't cease to amaze her, she proved her wrong._

_"You said mama?" Nikita said hesitantly. "You can talk too?"_

_She was just amazed that she hadn't felt Shanisse crawl on her lap._

_**End of flashback**_

...

All Michael did was chuckle. He can't believe how much he missed out on. He was speechless but that feeling of happiness couldn't be helped as the big wound in his heart closed a few centimeters.

"She's amazing." Michael said with teary green eyes.

Nikita chuckled. "And stubborn." She added.

"Wonder who she got that from." Michael joked.

Nikita raised her eyebrows with a small smile plastered on her lips.

"I'm sorry," She trailed. "Is this Michael talking?"

Michael smirked. "Touché." He said. "I see you have not changed.

888

They played a few more tapes from Shanisse's first birthday to her first picnic at the beach with mommy and every special moment in between.

That made Michael happy on so many levels. He couldn't remember the last time he truly smile and wasn't it didn't have to be a facade just for the sake of smiling.

The last tape they watched was made on Father's Day and it was labeled _**'I Wuv Daddy'**_

_**Flashback:**_

_Shanisse was about a year and seven months old learning how to talk in full sentences. She is this brilliant kid who seems to be curious about everything and tried to learn new things every day. It amazed Nikita a whole lot and it was her pleasure to teach the little girl everything she could._

_Nikita was sitting with Shanisse on her lap in front of a camera with a picture in her hands._

_"Who's this handsome guy?" She asked the little girl on her lap._

_Shanisse giggled at her mom._

_"Dada!" She said._

_"Yes." A proud smile forming on Nikita's lips. "That's dada."_

_Even though Shanisse was young and probably wouldn't start to ask about her father until she was much older and started to go to school, Nikita allowed Shanisse to know about Michael as much as possible._

_Shanisse waved her little hands in front of the camera and clapped._

_"I wuv dada." She said._

_A sad smile crossed Nikita's face as he kissed the little girl's forehead._

_"Dada loves you too." She told the child._

_"I wuv you too, mommy." Shanisse said._

_Nikita smiled again. This time happier than before while looking into the child's green eyes._

_"Mommy loves you too, sweetheart."_

_She bear-hugged the child in her arms and tried to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling._

_"Do you wanna say happy Father's Day to dada?"_

_Shanisse nodded with excitement._

_Nikita chuckled. "Alright, look at the camera, honey." She instructed._

_Shanisse did as told and looked at the camera._

_"Happy..." Nikita begin._

_"Happy." Shanisse repeated._

_"Father's..."_

_"Fatho's..." Shanisse mumbled dubiously._

_Nikita chuckled again. She didn't expect the little girl to say it perfectly. After all, she's only one! Most kids that are one year old don't speak as well and as clearly as Shanisse does and Nikita was proud of her daughter._

_"Day."_

_"Day!" Shanisse exclaimed._

_Nikita kissed the little girl's cheeks and finally let the tears she's been preventing escaped her eyes._

_"Is there anything else you'd like to say to daddy?" She asked the little girl._

_Shanisse shook her head shyly as she looked up at her mommy._

_"That's okay." Nikita stroked her cheek then looked back at the camera._

_"I wuv you dada."_

888

The tape stopped and both Michael and Nikita looked at each other with teary eyes. Neither speaking nor blaming each other anymore for the choices they've made five years ago.

"I love my daddy." Shanisse's small muffled voice came from down the hall. "I really love him."

Both Michael and Nikita turned to look at Shanisse who was standing in the hallway in her pajamas, barefoot with he stuffed animal against her chest and tears in her eyes.

Judging by the sad look on her face, the couple wondered for how long the little girl had been standing there for and how many of the tapes she watched.

"I wished I knew him." Shanisse said. "I wished he loved me too."

And as Michael listened to his daughter speak; he could hear his heart breaking in his chest into a million pieces of shattered glass. This is too agonizing!

888

_Well, this is it for this chapter! I wanted to have Michael see certain things that were important and the idea of the videos came randomly and I thought I'd make them into flashbacks so I don't know how well that worked! But at least Nikita isn't this mean and cruel person and that's what I'm hoping this chapter proved because that's a thoughtful thing! Anyways, please review and let me know what you guys thought about this chapter. Until next time, Xoxo!_


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